


What have you done

by Yougaythen



Category: Ballum, EastEnders
Genre: Ep 3/11/2020, M/M, The fix it from tuesdays ep, There is slight mentions of breakfast and meds, because what should have happened is Callum told Ben, but nothing in detail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:53:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27404605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yougaythen/pseuds/Yougaythen
Summary: The one in which Callum has the breakfast with Ben, Callum gets a phone call but doesn’t leave and then they talk about what’s on Callum’s mind.
Relationships: Ballum - Relationship
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	What have you done

Callums days off were so valuable to them, the only time they fully get to spend together doing whatever they wanted and Ben loved those days the most, and for the first day in weeks Callum has the full day off. 

As always Ben begged to stay in bed that bit longer, the need and want for cuddles overwhelmingly present and he knew exactly how to get his own way. Especially when Callum led back down against the now coldened sheets Ben’s head falling against his chest and Callum placing kisses to his head was perfect. 

However Callum knew that he wanted to make today special, to make it up to Ben for all the time he’s been gone recently, he’d decided the day before to get in the stuff for Ben’s favourite breakfast, then planned to take him out for lunch and be back for looking after lexi that night, allowing Ben to fill in the gaps of time. 

Eventually he managed to get up, Ben falling back asleep against the pillows and Callum slipping out throwing on an old top and joggers he headed down pulling out all the dishes and plates, putting on the oven ready to cook the pastries, taking the cereal box into the table and getting coffee ready everything looked good. 

With Lola out working, Lexi at school and Phil getting up and walking out midway through Callum sorting out breakfast the house was theirs, theirs to spend as much time doing whatever they wanted. 

“Wow, thought you were an officer not a chef, this looks amazing” he says also in comfy clothes, a top from the day before and a pair of trousers he found on the chair. Hair ruffled from the way Callum played with it while he slept. Placing a kiss to his lips he took his hand walking him through upto the table, Ben’s eyes gazing across it “Oh I love you Cal” Callum gesturing for him to take a seat opposite him. “So what have you done then” Ben jokes “what do you mean done, I’ve not done anything just for you” he forces out a smile, and he knows Ben can tell it’s fake. 

But as they continue to get stuck into breakfast, chatting slightly about how they planned to do things during the day and how much Callum loved looking after Lexi. And they were happy, or at least Callum played out he was happy. 

All until Callums phone buzzed the sound louder than them filling the room “it’s the station I need to answer it” he said immediately hearing Thompson’s voice as he brought it to his ear and his heart sank. He couldn’t keep doing this, walking out on Ben, pretending everything was okay because in reality his head was pounding at any thought of the station, tears flowed in the car on the way there where he’d pull himself together for another day of hatred and then leave and be back pretending. And he knew he’d been snapping at Ben more recently, Ben allowing it and passing it off because he wasn’t the one to go searching for answers, especially with Callum, he had to wait until Callum was ready and until then he’d continue to love Callum, and do everything like before. 

“Everything alright” Ben questions as soon as Callum comes back in, his face down and he looks full of panic rubbing his eyes. “Yeah fine I’ve uh just got a bit of a headache” he says heading out of the door “I’m off to lay down for a bit” “wait” ben calls after him, knowing he was too late when he heard the bedroom door slam shut and once again he was on his own downstairs. 

Realising that Callum wasn’t coming back down Ben decided to make a work on tidying everything up, allowing Callum to take that off of his mind. Covering the leftovers and putting them into the cupboard, and wiping down the table Ben thought to himself that it was good while it lasted. 

Taking Callums phone off the table where he had left it before he went up the stairs and his jacket off the bottom of the stairs he headed up the stairs where he found their bedroom door closed shut, he considered going back down but something in him said he had to go in, he opened the door and was met with Callum's body led out across the bed, eyes slightly red and part of the duvet bundled up. It was only when he clocked Ben he jumped up, rubbing his eyes slightly “why have you got that, have you been on it” he snapped, taking it from Ben’s hands, “no I wouldn’t, it’s not mine and I only came up to check you were okay, not to look through your phone. I trust you” he assures attempting to take Callums hand into his own, where he pulls it away from Ben. 

They sit together in that deafening silence, the kind that Ben regrets even bother trying anymore, perhaps this is it, perhaps there is something or someone Callum is hiding and any emotions he wants to show right now he must push away, his head clouded with everything he’s always feared, the feeling that he’s never going to be enough, never to anyone’s standards. And he understands how selfish he’s being but given his record who can blame him. 

“I’m sorry” is all Callum manages, tears threatening to spill from his eyes “come here” Ben shifts up from where he’s found a seat on their bed, taking Callum into his arms Callums head resting upon Ben’s shoulder the increased wetness from his eyes falling onto Ben’s shoulder creating a mark against the purple material. 

They stayed like that a while “I’m here if you need me, if you want to talk” Ben breaks Callums sobs. “I think we both need to-” Callum breaks off his voice shaky and quiet, he doesn’t even know if he’s thought this through properly enough but it’s now or never and he knows he can’t stand to look at Ben’s face again if he snaps again and he knows this cycle needs to end because nothing good will come from this the longer they go on. 

——-

Once they have both composed themselves, Ben helping Callum calm down to the point he no longer looked like he was going to cry, Ben bringing him meds for his headache and freshwater, he knew he had to wait for Callum to make the move, this was his call and nothing would change this. 

“I’m ready” Callum manages out “okay” is all Ben returns not wanting this moment to be taken away from Callum, “this, me and you, needs to stop. Not in the way that I’m leaving you but more me snapping at you all the time, me walking out on you and not spending time with you and I can only apologise to you and I know that’s not enough but it’s all I can do. And I have to tell you what’s happening and I really don’t know how to but-” Ben breaks him off placing a hand against his chest “breathe just a little, we have all the time you need” he can pick up on these signs anywhere, especially with Callum needing him to calm down or he knows that it will end up in tears again. The spend a few minutes just breathing together, Callum watching the rise and fall of Ben’s hand above his chest. “It’s Thompson. He wants your dad and I can’t go against him because he has evidence of you and me doing illegal stuff and we will both be sent down and your dad just wanted to make people happy but they are siding with Danny and I need to side with thompson for a bit longer because he will take us all out Ben. He will and I just need a bit more on him and then I can report him, but I can’t loose you or this over him, I have to do exactly what he says or we are both gone and I can’t Ben. I can’t keep living like this, I wanted to help people after you got shot and now I don’t want to be there anymore, this is ruining me and ruining you and us and it has to stop” he’s not even sure how he’s managed to just say all of that, but weirdly he feels lighter, yet he can’t even bring himself to look at Ben’s face. 

It’s only when Ben places his hand under Callums chin pulling it up slightly where their eyes lock for a moment and then break apart, and Callum throws himself into Ben’s arms the shock that Ben was still sat there he had to hold onto him to ground himself. “Oh babe I’m so sorry that was all on your mind, you could have told me from the start and we could have worked through this together and I’m so sorry for being the one who put you in this situation, we will get through this and I’m always here for you, you will never loose me” he holds him back assuring cuddle, neither of them wanting to let go. 

Eventually they pulled apart, knowing that they had to get themselves sorted before lexi was due to come over, lunchtime looming and the idea that they had spent so long sat upstairs, Ben was certain at some point Phil had come home, but he couldn’t be sure. 

This wasn’t the morning Ben had quite planned, or he couldn’t have planned it at all yet he knew how important it was for Callum to tell him. For them to be truthful with each other, and take trust in each other. Because through everything they could work out a plan, work out a future and work together for the best. Love would always hold them together no matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading I wanted more of an open ending on this one so I hope you enjoyed. As always kudos are appreciated!


End file.
